its the second day of renovation and im still surviving. good job angela. the state of the house is nearly beyond redemption. i’ve never seen my house in such a clutter mess before so i felt really helpless when i start cleaning up. considering me and my mom and perhaps my brother too, are clean freaks, we just didnt know what to do. but i felt that i can learn something from it thats real valuable and yes i think im starting to pick up something from all this ughhhhhhhhhh stuff.

those of you who know what a neat freak i can be and one of my phobias are toiletphobia knows i cant stand dirty, smelly, and weirdly structured toilets. i even have nightmares about it frequently. does that show you how scared i am? HAHA! its not typical yucks-i-hate-this-toilet-i-want-to-complain kinda scared but i’ll have goosebumps, quiver, vomit or even cry at the sight or entrance to such places. and many a times i thought about how im going to survive if i head out to 3rd world countries to help out or plant churches. well, i should say this is a start of it all. i have one right smack in the middle of the kitchen. im taking it in slowly and seeing how i can adjust to it for 10 days. tomorrow will be the 3rd day! yayness!

in addition, there’ll be 3 more days to partial freedom! a glance on what i have in mind thus far.
# watching 500 days of summer with my other half and hopefully getting the couple seat. (i know its super late but aye, i was geeking in progress luh)
# i want to watch my sister’s keeper! no date for that as yet!
# heading out to salvaton army!
# kayaking/rock climbing/night cycling with my babes!
# hike trip with the clique.
# shopping and catching up on old times by being couch potatoes with phoebs my love.
# hoping to meet up iCare team soon.
# korean food straight after last paper with HR girls.

and all these are not to-do list but they’re already planned out and will be executed from this following week onwards! Daddy called to catch up on how i was doing for exams and to encourage me! it made my day and he was trying to convince me to head out to Bangkok in end november and early december. tempting me that he’ll get everything i set my eyes on. isnt this a temptation! and im still deciding. my mom’s pretty convinced to go with him though. =( how now brown cow!

angela poh likes this.

i realise i forgot to say that my past two papers went alright! i wrote so hard and fast in the freezing hall, my thumb was numb for two days. 3 hours is definitely not enough to finish 12 pages. two down, one more to head on. i want to play straight after exams and have a whole list in in my head now.

do you realise how hard we try to justify ourselves when we’re heading into the grey section of black versus white? sometimes you know in your head that you’re not exactly in the most right position but you just seek to make yourself feel better so you head into the battlefield of justification.

well, now that the renovation’s tomorrow, im really quite fearful. imagine the life of having no water for 10 days. you cant bathe, brush your teeth, go toilet, wash your hands, drink, cook, and thats enough to make me faint. in addition, the mess of the house, noise, air pollution, wow God, isnt this a test of my endurance, especially when im still studying for my last paper. but im thankful for neighbours who offer their place for a place of refuge in the afternoons.   i’ll miss my sliding doors in my toilet. =(

im off now to seek refuge cause of the neighbours’ renovation’s noise. SAVE ME! if only you knew how loud it is, try and picture yourself standing just beside a construction area. thats how loud it gets, and im not exaggerating. aye, when i see how my brother’s still sleeping like a log, i wished i could be like that.

its hard to say this but im throwing wilson away. i felt so sad when i put him into the garbage bag. wilson’s my 18th birthday bear. will share more of his story and pictures about it soon. this is one of the reasons why i cant keep a pet. this is only a teddy bear and im so upset. i had to keep telling myself that he’s just a bear! =/ i love you wilson.

WARNING: LONG WRITTEN POST THUS MIGHT NOT UPDATE ANYTIME SOON UNLESS I FEEL LIKE IT.

now you know what thalia does to me when i see her. =x

im proud of the halloween team! really impressed at the plans and the system of games etc. despite being such a young and new team of people, their first attempt really blew me away. thank you to xueli, cherynn, weiling, jinmin, ryu, jiahui and esther! the food comm was very hardworking and serving as well. thank you quankai, geraldine, annqi! i hope i dont miss out anyone! if i do, oops sorry! it was the very first time i tried halloween makeup as well. i promise to research more next round! xueli you really led well! a first that i see you so firm ah! rocks luh babe!

im only one paper away from partial freedom! thanks for all who’re with me and comforting me when i needed it. I LOVE YOU GUYS! even throughout this period of struggling i’ve learnt so much and i decide to share with all!

# doing my best and God for the rest.
i realise this when i was going in for my first paper and shareen (a leader in our church as well) seemed so relax and on the flip side im looking through my notes and wishing some last minute memorising will miraculously pop up in my head during exams. then i started thinking how come our attitutes are so different when we have the same God, have the same faith and going for the same paper? i wanted to knock myself upside down seriously. thats when i decide to put my book aside and step into the hall victoriously. the same power that conquered the grave, lives in me!

# praising God even when i felt the lowest.
i kept singing songs of praise in my head when i went into the exam hall and throughout sitting through the paper. it helps to release tensions luh seriously. and when im studying, praising him help me realise that he’s the prince of peace and the Lord of all. “you are the peace that guards my heart, my help in times of need” it lifts my anxiety up. *picture God taking out a piece of your heart called anxiety and munching on it thenafter replacing it with peace*

# i have panick attacks from 8pm – 10pm, the night before the paper.
that is when i start to call people, make a mess on the table, fumbling to find my notes when its just in front of me, felt like tearing my hair, etc. and only getting pass the time, praying and bathing helps me get through all that.

# selflessness comes from selfishness.
for my second paper, there is a group of girls who calls me (one by one) and ask tons of questions, panicking and on the verge of crying. i was really unsure of what to do cause i myself am anxious for the exam and i cant answer their questions cause im not too sure as well. thats when i felt like rejecting their calls, not reply their smses and just study in a corner all my life. my mom told me to not tell them what to do and stop talking on the phone in fear of the lack of study time. well, at the end, i manage to answer all their calls and questions, reassure them that its going to be alright and share with them what i will be focusing on so that it may help them too. it really took me a great struggle to put myself aside for awhile and help others who are in as much need as i am. and it is in the same concept of real love. for what is so difficult to love the lovables? but its takes more to love the unlovables.

PS to xueli: keep holding on! God and i are with you to go through this! dont give up and i’ll be praying for you my dear.

i wonder whens the last time i fell ill. that was probably a year or more ago i guess? but when im sick, everything goes down with it. fever, flu, headache, sores. i pray that it wont approach me this period of time! shoo away you evil monsters! in any case, thank you all who encouraged me through your smses and words, giving me hugs during these while! andddddddd people like to ask me who’re my favourite singers and i dont know why! HAHA! actually i’ve no favourite. ehhh, but i have secret fetish over coarse voices. (chris daughtry and nickleback) whoots! and i love michelle branch too! just that she seem weaker when performing live. sad! but well these are a few of her better ones

i love live acoustic performances! i’ve so many other favourite singers! if you’ve time, listen to olivia ong do covers for other people’s songs! i listen to her live at esplanade before and she’s really not bad. i wanna watch another live band or single performance soon. date me! ;D

i hope this prepares you for halloween!
my thai name shall be anarawaka from now on. HAHAHHA!
Angela Anarawaka Poh. (omg thalia cherish, i still hate the way Poh sounds)

im going bonkers with all the noise around me! renovation sucks. i cant even revise properly and no one wants to adopt me for this period of time. HAHA! everyone is tempting me to get out of my house to head out to play with them. =/ i feel so upset i cant join them for events and the renovation noise is making me sick. date me out to study people! and after exams, i want to get out to play and go for meetups.

yknow sometimes i hate when little things get to me so badly and i dont know how to get out of it. i feel like boxing things up and throwing it away. and they say guys do that well. the whole personal and work thing not mixing together. i hope i am guyish in that way too! i dislike expectations imposed unto myself or from me towards others. just when i thought you’re different, you prove me otherwise and show me you’re just like the others. thats just plain crazy and i feel like running away.

Goodbye everyone! I MUST FOCUS! mug like a nerd and be the geek in the pink!

this is a short film which i caught from a few people’s blogs and i really think its so sweet that i would wanna share to all you guys! there’s not much talking but i love it anyway enjoy it!

today was a good day that started out with lizhen and our wishlist for after exams. met out with classmates and spent most of the time eating, shopping, talking nonsense. was super afraid that quan would spread his rashes to me! he’s such a silent comedian! laughed like a mad cow throughout our time together. bought a couple rabbit correction tape to match with our couple pencilcase for dearest joanne. ended the day with bk and his 3 “kiss” HAHAHHA! ok that sounded wrong cause it meant to be keys. in any case, i enjoy time together just to chill and talk nonsense.

the life of a phlegmatic person. things dont need to always be all urgent and rushing to get stuff done. what exactly are we really panicking and hurrying for? a packed schedule does not show how hard you’re working or determine your spiritual statue and what not. take time to starbuck with God. not all opportunities need to be captured. he’s more concern about your own life than you being caught up in busyness. the last thing he wants to hear from you is “sorry God i dont have time to talk to you!” and continue doing ministry work or studies or projects and ccas. lets retrack back, we’re suppose to do all these to point back to his glory. right?

and yes, im not saying that we’ll all be lazybums and wait for things to happen.”There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven.” (Ecc 3:1) so sit back, look at what season this is for you and enjoy taking time and effort to do this season alongside our daddy! im doing exams with him!

you made me dance like a fool;
forget how to breathe;
shine like gold;
buzz like a bee;
just the thought of you, it drives me wild.
oh you make me smile

its a new song that i love so much! he has another song called “follow me” and its awesome as well. anyway, i ended my temp work and its been an experience. i was basically doing what secretaries do but with more interaction and loads of fun and laughter. it was sad that it had to end so fast but i came out of it with more knowledge and business friends across the globe. the taiwan man who wants to bring us around if we head over! was forced by us to sit down cause he was too tall! =( all hail the vice president of one of the largest companies in china! the CEO who was voted the best CEO in asia! :O our favourite professor who’s the funniest man around luh. he refuse to wear business suit and wore polo shirt and jeans. -,- my favourite lydia (marketing research manager) and hamster (foreign affairs manager) dont you think he looks like the hamster in the movie bolt? HAHA! so cute luh! ham ham rocks! a good friend gained! she’s wendy who has the same birthday as me!

i just want to give a shout out to all those who have accepted me for who i am and especially dear God who saw me through my flaws and help me be who i am today. im really not as loving as people think i am. more often than not i struggle to love the unlovables whom i thought of strangling. im not as willing as i look to be. the unwilling heart pounds hard to run away from things i dont enjoy doing. my insecure self fights to be that person that i would always want to be.

truly, im not sure why God still chose me despite all these flaws and sins. but one thing im assured is that God’s grace is more than enough for me. i dont deserve to have all these yet he still gave it to me. wah lao ba! ni hao kan de qi wo orh! im  really not sure whether i can be the best that i can but i would love to learn and develop myself further to be the one God builds me to be. im not angelina jolie, not fiona xie, not corrine may. simply just angela poh that yearns to do more. so my dear friends, do guide me as i live my sinful life and move towards christ centredness.

so cutesy right? lizhen watch him properly if not, heh heh heh..

anyways, a quicky update before i go into my crazy mode of studying and working for another 2 days. its been quite mad running around attending meetings, studying till 2-3am (i know some of you sleep later than me and thats not something to be haolian about. wait till you’re 30 to see the effects. we’ll see how haolian you are about those eyes. muahahaha!) and attempting new stuff while meeting more people. i’ve two specific things to update about!

1) iCare
i’ve gotten my lazy bum into a cca in school and i was glad i didnt miss the first meeting. was initially reluctant to go as yknow, the feeling of going back to school sucks and knowing you have lesser time to study, well, i wont talk about that. the whole point of iCare was set up to help the society and i was amazed to see about 50 others or so who are passionate about this as well! truly applaud them as they shared their experiences and what they intend to do for our days together to serve the community. i cant exactly remember all their names but what they shared showed a piece of my heart as well. one girl was mentioning about consistent volunteering and the importance of it. i nod with all my heart. our president talked about giving to our community and opening a whole new view about volunteery work. “its more than just going into the homes to help out but we seek to bring these people out and show them the world that we share, letting others know that they are the same as you and i” indeed, we’re blessed to be a blessing.

2) my temp work at suntec city
everyone has been asking about it and finally now i’ll tell you that im helping out at a company thats top in manufacturing fibreglass in the whole of asia. my job is very relac one corner and interesting. i get to interact with internationals (brazilians, aussies, canadians, malaysians, indians, etc) and i got to see a tinge of how business world really works! i started out being quite cynical about working with china people but they’re really really nice. like, extremely. we talk nonsense, they bought me lunch, i laugh at them, they took care of me and yea, i really got to see a better side of this complex business world.

throughout all these i saw how God really took care of me, change my perspective and showed me how a willing heart goes such a long way. if you want to change and shake things, we gotta step out into the world and do something. like the china peeps say,”aye, singapore’s so small” i look at their company and its as big as our whole Tuas. -,- thanks for these opportunities to see the world, lao ba! the church needs strong and biblical leaders, what more the world thats getting more and more corrupted each day?

sometimes i do wonder whether im supposed to live in thailand than in singapore. the things that i felt very uncomfortable with seems alright & normal for the singaporeans here. just now i was on the bus when this girl came on the bus with two badminton rackets in her bag pointing horizontally out and hindering almost everyone on the bus. i was pretty annoyed so i told her about it. her reaction was just a smile and turned away, NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT. i was completely puzzled and yea, the rackets continued to stick out and poke everyone else around her. to continue, i was browsing a website of twits that complain about their life and here is a singaporean’s one.

“Today i fainted on the sidewalk. When i woke up, I was still lying on the sidewalk, people were stepping over me and my purse was gone” -blackout woman, Singapore.

angmohs laugh and ask why Singapore’s such a “fine” country. i totally agree on the government giving fines to stop people from doing unglam things. why would anyone throw dangerous objects out from their windows? why do people spit on the ground as and when they like, acting as if its natural to do so? why do people still litter when the dustbin is only less than 1metre away from them? why do people reserve seats using tissue and howl like a mad dog when someone take the seat? when i look at such stuff im really very confused and upset about how “ugly” humans can get.

something random! yknow in chinese news how they referred to singapore as “wo3 guo2″? last time i thought that meant europe. HAHA! i kept thinking why we love europe so much to keep mentioning about them. =x well, now im going to continue mugging and await the rest of my assignment results! i got a credit(an equivilent of a B) for my 50% Staffing Organization assignment! ehh, i know its not a distinction but its still something to be glad about! have a good week everyone! take every chance to give thanks because life’s a gift!

in the population of 6.7 billion people on the face of this earth,
half of the population live in poverty and without technology to improve their lives or even save them,
among half of this people who live in poverty are children.

on the flip side

the other half population live with shelter over our heads, have food to eat, technology to keep our lives running,
in this half are people who goes through plastic surgery, take pills, commit suicide, dwell in self pity, struggle to be size 2 – 0, splurge on things they dont need, oh dont make me go on.
the outrageous thing is, we on this side always want more and never seem to be contented.

for now, im learning to be contented, helping others to see that too. praying continuously for the people over at the other side, doing what i can for the local’s underserved and looking forward to going overseas soon! yknow i was thinking, not everyone has a specific calling to help the underserved or have the gift of mercy or service. but so long as we follow and listen to God’s heartbeat, we’ll know who it beats for and therefore do whatever we can through our gifts to serve that purpose.

welllllllllllll, its mid autumn festival but there’s no plans to do anything! i miss all the lantern playing and setting up candles! so perhaps for this time round, i will put a candle in my room and eat mooncake in front of my com to celebrate! HAHA! this week will the last for all my nonsense playtime then i will start mugging! please ensure that i do! oh! and im working in mid october for three days and i dont know what isit about still. thank you God for the many things that happened this week!

# saw my DMS friends and i enjoyed short chats!
# got to know a new angmoh friend!
# good time with my grand parents!
# quality time with all my sheep individually.
# fruitful QTs !
# replies from iCare & suntec event.
# a couple of new friends.
# slowly clearing my debts and my room!

to end off,
awww! isnt this like the cutest thing creature?
she’s daniel’s dog, yoyo! ;D
i watched this video about the dog running back to the owner and i was tearing luh!
i want a dog. =( but i know i cant and wont cause of the aftermaths.
oh wells! i’ll have tons of puppies when im in heaven then.
YAYNESS!