Leez: what happened to you angela!
Me: aye, cough and flu, losing my voice too. (rhymes!)
Leez: wow, never seen you sick before. yknow all choir pple rarely sick one.
Me: huh? really? why ah?
Leez: i dont know, they just dont fall sick. *started nameing choir pple she knows*
Me: yah ah. never thought of that before. you’re really observant!

yes, so my accumulated sickness will be with me for quite a while i guess. but i was thinking about the things i had to do, the people i wanted to meet with and all, i found out that im unknowingly choking myself. and i did chuckle to myself at how God brought me towards all these and maintain me throughout.

# pastoral role (well, im not a leader person and i dont think i even possess leadership qualities and skills for that matter)
# image ministry (i started out as a noob who’s superbly scared of eyeliner and even till now, im learning!)
# choir ( i aint the best singer and i take a long time figuring out how harmonising actually works)
# administration ( this is the most hilarious cause im by nature not administrative and my function as DA is just real funny)
# iCare ( no, im not the most loving person you can find cause i do tend to be judgemental)
# friend (im sorry but i cant meet all your needs and i cant be there all the time when you needed it)
# studies ( well, i cant study for nuts. the most average student you can ever find)
# family ( we dont spend a lot of time together but we’re working on it!)
# social life (this is kinda similar to friends but more towards hanging out with strangers and surface friends. im not a party animal and i’ve rejected 4 dates on friday. can someone tell me whats so special about friday that everyone love to put parties and dates on that day?)

in any case, im thankful for opportunities thats placed for me to develop different areas of my life so as to make my life more holistic. im pretty quiet and not talented by nature but its real awesome for opportunites thats laid ahead for me. ask my primary school friends and you’ll see how quiet i am. people look shock when they know i play piano and guitar. joanne siah refuse to believe that im a leader in church (even till now! haha!). for now, im releasing some roles so that i can take on others and be more committed in a few. i would still want to take up myother mother tongue (thai) and sewing (eh not funny lor) in time to come.

thank you God for believing in me even though im the most unfitted person to do such things and im pretty slow in learning. i stand in awe when i think about the things God has placed in my life to do and its just crazy seeing how i manage to pull through. im not able but my God is able! you are stronger, God!

im just glad how certain relationships work out and i feel really blessed to know some of these friends arent just play time mates but will stick by me. amazing how we play hard and share deep as well. its good to see more bonding within my family and daddy’s flying back soon! :):) yknow, its when you slow down and see the things that makes up parts of your life that you actually understand the purpose of which you stand. its easy to pick on things and dwell on negative situations but gratitute should be frequent rather than complaints. cause when we take more time to give thanks then we’ll realise how blessed we already are. thank you Jesus for my life and for the people around me.

after all the craziness, i have my house back! might be still doing some adjusting and furnishing, but other than that its really such a blessing. sorry for those whom i cant get back towards asap through mail and stuff. i have returned! im enjoying my days and i hope you guys are as well! i dont exactly love going back for classes (esp when its really dry lessons) during hols but i love the fact that we have aussie lecturers and the company of people that i do enjoy very much.

did you know that aussies are called skippys as well? its real interesting aint it? the class clique has already planned so many outings in the weeks to come and im excited! had a good talk with quan when we were on our way back and he shared how he got to know Jesus. from there i was really touched on how God always bring his children back towards him and  that we the christians are ambassadors of christ! we carry God’s name around, whether we like it or not. we’re an influence in our words, actions and decisions even if we’re not leaders in any form but more especially if we’re one.

i caught a hongkong show recently and a granny said ” we should never compromise our principles for material comfort”. even if we’re so shagged, so upset, want to get something for our own or loved ones, scared to move out, but that should never be a reason for us to compromise on the biblical standards that we’re based ourselves upon. it could even be the littlest thing such as: jaywalking just cause you felt awkward and stupid waiting for the greenman when everyone has crossed over, even the old lady. or towards bigger issues like: lying for a friend or loved one so as to protect them from going to jail or being caned by the authority. perhaps its for us to decide whether to place what is truly right or what seems beneficial for us as our final decision.

till im back again with more pictures, have fun with life everyone!
PS to my babes: have fun while you girls are young yea? dont bother working PT cause its just gonna add on to your worklife (look at it this way, you’re going to work for at least 30 – 40 years anyway). money’s small issue. we can take more effort to persuade our parents for pocket money or save up or use money-saving techniques to make things instead of buying them. seriously, dont waste your youth away by working! unless its ultra needed, you may speak to me. love ya! *enjoy your youth while you can! im turning 21 soon. boo-hoo*

its the second day of renovation and im still surviving. good job angela. the state of the house is nearly beyond redemption. i’ve never seen my house in such a clutter mess before so i felt really helpless when i start cleaning up. considering me and my mom and perhaps my brother too, are clean freaks, we just didnt know what to do. but i felt that i can learn something from it thats real valuable and yes i think im starting to pick up something from all this ughhhhhhhhhh stuff.

those of you who know what a neat freak i can be and one of my phobias are toiletphobia knows i cant stand dirty, smelly, and weirdly structured toilets. i even have nightmares about it frequently. does that show you how scared i am? HAHA! its not typical yucks-i-hate-this-toilet-i-want-to-complain kinda scared but i’ll have goosebumps, quiver, vomit or even cry at the sight or entrance to such places. and many a times i thought about how im going to survive if i head out to 3rd world countries to help out or plant churches. well, i should say this is a start of it all. i have one right smack in the middle of the kitchen. im taking it in slowly and seeing how i can adjust to it for 10 days. tomorrow will be the 3rd day! yayness!

in addition, there’ll be 3 more days to partial freedom! a glance on what i have in mind thus far.
# watching 500 days of summer with my other half and hopefully getting the couple seat. (i know its super late but aye, i was geeking in progress luh)
# i want to watch my sister’s keeper! no date for that as yet!
# heading out to salvaton army!
# kayaking/rock climbing/night cycling with my babes!
# hike trip with the clique.
# shopping and catching up on old times by being couch potatoes with phoebs my love.
# hoping to meet up iCare team soon.
# korean food straight after last paper with HR girls.

and all these are not to-do list but they’re already planned out and will be executed from this following week onwards! Daddy called to catch up on how i was doing for exams and to encourage me! it made my day and he was trying to convince me to head out to Bangkok in end november and early december. tempting me that he’ll get everything i set my eyes on. isnt this a temptation! and im still deciding. my mom’s pretty convinced to go with him though. =( how now brown cow!

angela poh likes this.

i realise i forgot to say that my past two papers went alright! i wrote so hard and fast in the freezing hall, my thumb was numb for two days. 3 hours is definitely not enough to finish 12 pages. two down, one more to head on. i want to play straight after exams and have a whole list in in my head now.

do you realise how hard we try to justify ourselves when we’re heading into the grey section of black versus white? sometimes you know in your head that you’re not exactly in the most right position but you just seek to make yourself feel better so you head into the battlefield of justification.

well, now that the renovation’s tomorrow, im really quite fearful. imagine the life of having no water for 10 days. you cant bathe, brush your teeth, go toilet, wash your hands, drink, cook, and thats enough to make me faint. in addition, the mess of the house, noise, air pollution, wow God, isnt this a test of my endurance, especially when im still studying for my last paper. but im thankful for neighbours who offer their place for a place of refuge in the afternoons.   i’ll miss my sliding doors in my toilet. =(

im off now to seek refuge cause of the neighbours’ renovation’s noise. SAVE ME! if only you knew how loud it is, try and picture yourself standing just beside a construction area. thats how loud it gets, and im not exaggerating. aye, when i see how my brother’s still sleeping like a log, i wished i could be like that.

its hard to say this but im throwing wilson away. i felt so sad when i put him into the garbage bag. wilson’s my 18th birthday bear. will share more of his story and pictures about it soon. this is one of the reasons why i cant keep a pet. this is only a teddy bear and im so upset. i had to keep telling myself that he’s just a bear! =/ i love you wilson.

WARNING: LONG WRITTEN POST THUS MIGHT NOT UPDATE ANYTIME SOON UNLESS I FEEL LIKE IT.

now you know what thalia does to me when i see her. =x

im proud of the halloween team! really impressed at the plans and the system of games etc. despite being such a young and new team of people, their first attempt really blew me away. thank you to xueli, cherynn, weiling, jinmin, ryu, jiahui and esther! the food comm was very hardworking and serving as well. thank you quankai, geraldine, annqi! i hope i dont miss out anyone! if i do, oops sorry! it was the very first time i tried halloween makeup as well. i promise to research more next round! xueli you really led well! a first that i see you so firm ah! rocks luh babe!

im only one paper away from partial freedom! thanks for all who’re with me and comforting me when i needed it. I LOVE YOU GUYS! even throughout this period of struggling i’ve learnt so much and i decide to share with all!

# doing my best and God for the rest.
i realise this when i was going in for my first paper and shareen (a leader in our church as well) seemed so relax and on the flip side im looking through my notes and wishing some last minute memorising will miraculously pop up in my head during exams. then i started thinking how come our attitutes are so different when we have the same God, have the same faith and going for the same paper? i wanted to knock myself upside down seriously. thats when i decide to put my book aside and step into the hall victoriously. the same power that conquered the grave, lives in me!

# praising God even when i felt the lowest.
i kept singing songs of praise in my head when i went into the exam hall and throughout sitting through the paper. it helps to release tensions luh seriously. and when im studying, praising him help me realise that he’s the prince of peace and the Lord of all. “you are the peace that guards my heart, my help in times of need” it lifts my anxiety up. *picture God taking out a piece of your heart called anxiety and munching on it thenafter replacing it with peace*

# i have panick attacks from 8pm – 10pm, the night before the paper.
that is when i start to call people, make a mess on the table, fumbling to find my notes when its just in front of me, felt like tearing my hair, etc. and only getting pass the time, praying and bathing helps me get through all that.

# selflessness comes from selfishness.
for my second paper, there is a group of girls who calls me (one by one) and ask tons of questions, panicking and on the verge of crying. i was really unsure of what to do cause i myself am anxious for the exam and i cant answer their questions cause im not too sure as well. thats when i felt like rejecting their calls, not reply their smses and just study in a corner all my life. my mom told me to not tell them what to do and stop talking on the phone in fear of the lack of study time. well, at the end, i manage to answer all their calls and questions, reassure them that its going to be alright and share with them what i will be focusing on so that it may help them too. it really took me a great struggle to put myself aside for awhile and help others who are in as much need as i am. and it is in the same concept of real love. for what is so difficult to love the lovables? but its takes more to love the unlovables.

PS to xueli: keep holding on! God and i are with you to go through this! dont give up and i’ll be praying for you my dear.

i wonder whens the last time i fell ill. that was probably a year or more ago i guess? but when im sick, everything goes down with it. fever, flu, headache, sores. i pray that it wont approach me this period of time! shoo away you evil monsters! in any case, thank you all who encouraged me through your smses and words, giving me hugs during these while! andddddddd people like to ask me who’re my favourite singers and i dont know why! HAHA! actually i’ve no favourite. ehhh, but i have secret fetish over coarse voices. (chris daughtry and nickleback) whoots! and i love michelle branch too! just that she seem weaker when performing live. sad! but well these are a few of her better ones

i love live acoustic performances! i’ve so many other favourite singers! if you’ve time, listen to olivia ong do covers for other people’s songs! i listen to her live at esplanade before and she’s really not bad. i wanna watch another live band or single performance soon. date me! ;D

i hope this prepares you for halloween!
my thai name shall be anarawaka from now on. HAHAHHA!
Angela Anarawaka Poh. (omg thalia cherish, i still hate the way Poh sounds)

im going bonkers with all the noise around me! renovation sucks. i cant even revise properly and no one wants to adopt me for this period of time. HAHA! everyone is tempting me to get out of my house to head out to play with them. =/ i feel so upset i cant join them for events and the renovation noise is making me sick. date me out to study people! and after exams, i want to get out to play and go for meetups.

yknow sometimes i hate when little things get to me so badly and i dont know how to get out of it. i feel like boxing things up and throwing it away. and they say guys do that well. the whole personal and work thing not mixing together. i hope i am guyish in that way too! i dislike expectations imposed unto myself or from me towards others. just when i thought you’re different, you prove me otherwise and show me you’re just like the others. thats just plain crazy and i feel like running away.

Goodbye everyone! I MUST FOCUS! mug like a nerd and be the geek in the pink!

this is a short film which i caught from a few people’s blogs and i really think its so sweet that i would wanna share to all you guys! there’s not much talking but i love it anyway enjoy it!

today was a good day that started out with lizhen and our wishlist for after exams. met out with classmates and spent most of the time eating, shopping, talking nonsense. was super afraid that quan would spread his rashes to me! he’s such a silent comedian! laughed like a mad cow throughout our time together. bought a couple rabbit correction tape to match with our couple pencilcase for dearest joanne. ended the day with bk and his 3 “kiss” HAHAHHA! ok that sounded wrong cause it meant to be keys. in any case, i enjoy time together just to chill and talk nonsense.

the life of a phlegmatic person. things dont need to always be all urgent and rushing to get stuff done. what exactly are we really panicking and hurrying for? a packed schedule does not show how hard you’re working or determine your spiritual statue and what not. take time to starbuck with God. not all opportunities need to be captured. he’s more concern about your own life than you being caught up in busyness. the last thing he wants to hear from you is “sorry God i dont have time to talk to you!” and continue doing ministry work or studies or projects and ccas. lets retrack back, we’re suppose to do all these to point back to his glory. right?

and yes, im not saying that we’ll all be lazybums and wait for things to happen.”There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven.” (Ecc 3:1) so sit back, look at what season this is for you and enjoy taking time and effort to do this season alongside our daddy! im doing exams with him!

you made me dance like a fool;
forget how to breathe;
shine like gold;
buzz like a bee;
just the thought of you, it drives me wild.
oh you make me smile

its a new song that i love so much! he has another song called “follow me” and its awesome as well. anyway, i ended my temp work and its been an experience. i was basically doing what secretaries do but with more interaction and loads of fun and laughter. it was sad that it had to end so fast but i came out of it with more knowledge and business friends across the globe. the taiwan man who wants to bring us around if we head over! was forced by us to sit down cause he was too tall! =( all hail the vice president of one of the largest companies in china! the CEO who was voted the best CEO in asia! :O our favourite professor who’s the funniest man around luh. he refuse to wear business suit and wore polo shirt and jeans. -,- my favourite lydia (marketing research manager) and hamster (foreign affairs manager) dont you think he looks like the hamster in the movie bolt? HAHA! so cute luh! ham ham rocks! a good friend gained! she’s wendy who has the same birthday as me!

i just want to give a shout out to all those who have accepted me for who i am and especially dear God who saw me through my flaws and help me be who i am today. im really not as loving as people think i am. more often than not i struggle to love the unlovables whom i thought of strangling. im not as willing as i look to be. the unwilling heart pounds hard to run away from things i dont enjoy doing. my insecure self fights to be that person that i would always want to be.

truly, im not sure why God still chose me despite all these flaws and sins. but one thing im assured is that God’s grace is more than enough for me. i dont deserve to have all these yet he still gave it to me. wah lao ba! ni hao kan de qi wo orh! im  really not sure whether i can be the best that i can but i would love to learn and develop myself further to be the one God builds me to be. im not angelina jolie, not fiona xie, not corrine may. simply just angela poh that yearns to do more. so my dear friends, do guide me as i live my sinful life and move towards christ centredness.