i have moooooooved.

yes im moving again. actually moved for awhile already. for people who are still here, thanks loads and check out my updates on:

http://undivided-heart.tumblr.com/

i update about myself once in a while there and random posts most of the time. haha! 🙂 till then, have a good one everyone! 🙂

 

Breathing down March

one of my most favourite pictures of the month of March. 🙂 i love all the times with my LG though yea, most of them are younger than i am. thank you girls and guys for the fun, laughter and trusting in me. more pictures of my lifegroup!

denise leong is a cam whore. she insist in taking pictures of everything. haha! we’re all dressed in grey! unspoken color of that day!

and taking pictures of us cause we look like melayu. -,- check out my expression. =x in any case, days with you guys really make my day. aussies go go! 😀

meet up with ex-sheep gang is so fun. 🙂 thank you girls for your vulnerability to share and it really makes me feel that you’re worth everybit of my braincell to love and embrace you. we had loads of laughter and tears. i think i was the only one who didnt really cry that night. =x but yea, continue to do His good work everywhere you’re placed my dear girls. 🙂 Mighty strength from the Lord! 😀

met steph and brought her down for networking session. 🙂 so glad that she’s going into the uni life and hoping that you’ll come back to God’s arms once again my dear ex sheep. your blur but childlike nature is still very evidently within you as i spoke to you that night. love! ❤

after miles of searching, i found the lost sheep’s house with her being ill-ridden and surprised to see the shepherd. 🙂 fed her well before leaving and wanted to spank her butt for not cleaning the place. haha! but yea, enjoy your company much my shanghai sheep! looking forward to meet you next week! 😉

brought the RMITs and UB peeps to this place called tea chapter for some tea tasting and the real way to drink tea. haha! i had loads of fun seeing how the guys argue and the girls laugh at how luke do his demo of pouring tea. FAIL. hahaha! till next time here again! 😉

this is the place that i work at. if you want to find me, do catch me at shots @ ann siang hill. 🙂 the colleagues are crazy mad fun and nice. though they always tease me, well, part and parcel of my life already. haha! i cant believe im leaving the place soon to look for a full time job as i leave school and embark into a new season of my life.

as the day draws nearer for my final exam and graduation, its such a funny feeling. i dont exactly look forward to working full time, yet im partially glad im leaving school. in any case, I wont be looking for work till June perhaps? I hate how everyone else is looking for work and pressurising me to do the same.

May is the month when i decide whether im going Korea or not. the radiation isnt dying off and everything stands still until i decide upon it. i admit that i was real upset hearing how radiation has spread towards korea but now, im alright even if my final decision is to not go ahead with it. 🙂 there’s still much to do here in Singapore and i might even be flying to Thailand.

Learning to take time to be grateful to God and the people around me helps in making life a tinge more sane around here in busy Singapore. Thank God for the Sunday evening of slow date with beloved Jesus. His love, mercy and reassurance covers me once again. ❤

Will come back again for April’s issue! Till then! 😀
PS: i hope to get a tumblr by then. hahaha! im still learning how to navigate that thing. dang!

 

February, the season of love <3

aww~ i love this pic so much! both of my cutey pies are inside. 🙂 this place is so forsaken, i was thinking to even come back to write. nowadays people are spending lesser time to journal down their thoughts in pursuit of other things. and to which some of them are things that im so angry about. HAHA! in some way, im so angry about a lot of things in life that i can actually be featured in angry birds. ok, not funny.

sometimes, i do hate how technology is taking over the society (particularly singapore). how teens and even some adults are so immersed in this whole iPhone thing and cant seem to get their hands (i mean fingers) off it. cmon, where’s the human touch that we’ve been created to have y’all! i feel like stealing all them iPhones & iPads and throwing it into the sea, lets see how you survive afterwards. *evil laughter* aye, but in any case, i cant do that and so im looking at people doing their iPhone iPad thing during meals, when with friends & families, being alone, in movies, yea you got it – everywhere.

another thing im complaining about is twitter or fb status. whassup with telling everyone about every single thing you’re doing/thinking? ugh! im just chao irritated about how people can use such thing to boost their ego and putting a facade about themselves. and yes, or even trying to grab attention about how emotional you’re getting? super big question mark and EXCLAIMATION mark.

God, at times im thinking whether im suited to belong to the 1990s or go to some village and stay there forever. well these complains could go on and on. This month i feel the love so strongly around in the midst of people. many people are getting attached, engaged and married. people are also putting the pressure on me about getting attached as well as themselves hunting for that one true love.

I guess for me  i do believe a lot about fate. if its meant to be its meant to be! we dont need to search high and low, whoever God has in place for you, no one can take him/her away. sometimes we want to take things into our own hands by getting into abrupt romance and going by our feelings. So where has faith in God been? Trusting God not just in emergency situations or in our “bus please come now” but also in big decisions in our lives.

im just so blessed by the bgr seminar. it reminded me once again about what i believed in. No matter what our age is, that as we put Him first, He will never shortchange us. Preparing ourselves first then preparing to receive that other one in our lives. Marriage is for life, hence true love is definitely worth the wait. 🙂

saranghey everyone!

PS: I’ve got a job at a cafe in ann siang hill! (5 mins walk from my place)
PSS: I’ve signed up for summer school in Korea and awaiting their confirmation next week. 😀

 

circle of life

we go in and out of our days fretting over little things and issues in life. some of our problems are able to be resolved by money (btw, problems that can be solved by money arent exactly huge problems. not that i have a lot of cash but you get what i mean) and others arent able to be resolved even when loads of cash are thrown unto our faces. at times we cry helplessly and we cry out to people or even to God for a miracle to happen.

even in the festive season of christmas and new year, where Chinese New Year is approaching, i stand witness to two funerals that happened in the midst of this. when i look around at people enjoying the good times and switch my eyes on sad eyes that grieve in sorrow, i cant help but to say yea, this is the world that continues to spin whether or not you’re full of joy/pain. it may seem duh! to some but it really hit me hard.

many may fear in wanting to outreach to our family members or close friends, in fact i have fears too. but knowing how unpredictably short life is makes me have this urgency. people i know have left the church because of the outreach lifestyle, sometimes i do question why. though outreach can be akin to a sales job where we tell people about a “product” (Jesus) and convince (ask) them to purchase it (receive Christ), the motives are pretty far apart. i love pastor michael’s story about the cat and mouse. its similar here as well. the salesman’s motivation is for his life. our motivation is well, others’ lives (err, check your heart whether it is not because of certain goal you’re attaining or a leadership position you’re fighting for).

i saw a blogger’s post that said about christians not being able to say goodbye forever because we know we’ll definitely see each other in heaven. but it isnt so for some of our non believing family members and relatives. i hope this brings about a revival among our hearts about the value of outreach rather than doing it per se.

as for my life ever since my last post in the first week of December, i’ve been doing fine y’all! 🙂 been meeting up with different friends cause of my birthday and christmas and new year. my internship is coming to an end this coming week and im so relieved. working is really quite draining and no-lifer. so im determined to play all i can before i march into working life. =p

round of pictures before i end. one night before my birthday! 🙂 with my uni clique! shareen’s back! whoo-hoo! 😉

on the actual day of my birthday! with my caregrp and some random people pretending to be thais. -,- my caregroup is a crazy bunch of people who made my birthday count and i love the diary that they bought for me! 😀

with my colleague cass! 🙂 she and Jaey bought me a bag for my birthday! 🙂 aww~ love!

christmas celebration with my another class’ friends! good catchup session! 😉

countdown with a bunch of people! but didnt receive the whole group’s picture yet. so not posting it up. this is what i shot when we were up waiting for the first sun-rise of year 2011! 😉 the new year eve’s celebration is really memorable!

thank you people for being a part of my life! 😀 till next time!

 

struck down but not destroyed;

(Job 1:20-22)
²⁰ At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship ²¹ and said:

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised.”

²² In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.

this was said after Job had all his possessions and family being taken from him. i am just awestruck by his still heart of faith in God.

thank you God and all you friends who have been there either from faraway or nearby to listen or just be by my side. if i did not reply you, it is not because i hate you but its plainly cause i dont know what to say or how to explain my situation.

when i look at the situation from afar, i do thank God for revealing things at a time where i have support and strong enough to face it. indeed, God is wise and he is neither late nor early. i hate people to guess what exactly happened cause nothing will change the situation. so i plead with you to pray for me and my family. that is a something you can do, my beloved friends. 🙂

aside from that my favourite month of the year is here! and it is coming to the end of the year! this year is definitely a dramatic year for me. not sure how it has been for you guys but i hope this year has made you stronger in your walk with the Lord as it has for me. 😀 many truths had unvealed to me, most of them were sad and ugly, however, im just glad i went through it with God and people who loved me enough to walk this year with me.

ohmigosh, its as if the year is ending tomorrow so i shouldnt write sucha post now. towards something exciting thats happening, IT IS MY BIRTHDAY ON 11 DECEMBER! waha! will be celebrating for the first and last time with the SIM ministry (cause its my last year already!). So to people who want to buy me a present, i love you! and again to prevent sadness in my heart, these will be the items i would need/love it very much.

# digital camera. (yes, even though im a girl, im going 22 years old, love taking pictures, i do not possess one to collect beautiful memories)
# another version of the bible (my NIV one is in bad condition but has sendimental value so i refuse to throw it away!)
# study bible! (i hope its not too big. =p)
# 2011 diary (im very fickled about this.must have space to write my appointments every single day. hur!)
# vouchers! i love them! useful ones for shopping of course! 😉
# a lunch/dinner treat with great company is appreciated
# a card with well wishes and our special moments together! ❤
# bring me to a special place! i love exploring. but, i’ve been to many places before, so yea, just so you know. =p

alrighty! im done with this post! signing off with a picture of me myself and i!

love, hugs and kisses! xoxo everyone! ❤

PS: my exam results are out tomorrow, 2nd dec! ahhh! hahaha!

 

with arms raised to the sky;

disclaimer: this will be a emo post, perhaps a side of me that you never really knew. i hate for people to ask me about the deeper side of my family, so don’t ask. this might be the only few times that i express much about it cause i really need to vent it out. =/

it sucks to feel helpless especially something’s happening in your family. when i heard about the news i wanted to drown myself in the sea and float away to a deserted island. maybe i never thought this could actually happen to me. i think im giving the benefit of doubt but my brother says im plain naive.

every time i think about my family, it brings tears to my eyes. we’re not lying by the streets or have drug dealers as family members but we just have so many underlying issues that we face day by day.  whenever i see happy families around, i would smile and dream to experience that everyday of my life. when people complain about how they hate/dislike their parents, i feel so sad about it cause they have no idea how it hurts not having them around.

sometimes i wished i would grow up faster just so i can take care of my parents. and i promise myself that i will have a happy complete family that is God centred in future. for now, im still hoping that things will make a turn for itself and God, i need you so badly.

after the recording of what i felt about my parents with the church, i really do feel much more strongly about them. but i just cant believe things turn out more sour than ever. God, heal my heart and my family. ='(

 

sudden revival

i cant believe that i havent blogged for a month plus. HAHA! i am so foreign back here that i forgot my password and it took awhile before i get into my own wordpress again. nonetheless, this month that i MIAed from wordpress was a good learning process that i truly thank God for.

if you do not already know, im currently working as a HR intern. wont really disclose where it is so you can ask me personally for it! 😉 my duties are so many that i was choked for awhile. but, i begin to understand and open my eyes to the real working world. though most people say interns are being used to do sai gang (nonsensical activities) but i feel very much enriched in this experience despite the draining of the mind & body.

having to deal with many things in life such as work, school (yes im even studying for a few modules for the company now), ministry, personal life, social life, housework, etc. i am determined in my heart to make the most out of everything and balance them well. im truly grateful to God for providing strength & wisdom in carrying out my activities. every morning i wake up with a new song in my heart, its as if God assuring me that he is there with me. i am tired when i head down after work to shepherd my people, have meetings, study, lead in cg roles, meet my friends but miraculously, im not drained out.thank you God! you are my ultimate source of strength! 😀

not everyone knows about how im actually going through life’s ups and downs (perhaps only my shepherd) and how fatigue i can be.  sometimes its pretty irritating to be seen as not giving my best/not as hardworking as others just because they do not know me and my struggles or when i dont potray how tired i am. so yes, Jesline’s teachings came appropriate when she mentioned about having inner security in God. 🙂

and as usual, some pictures to show some of the events i went through. 🙂 went for housewarming at Fazzy’s place with the usual babes!
im sorry that i always cant make it for the outings that they hold. =/ but it was a great time of sharing very adult-ish issues such as work, getting a house, etc. HAHA! =p

celebrated si yuan’s birthday at michelle’s place!
was quite shocked to see so many people preparing steamboat. feels like CNY! but yea, heartwarming event. aww!~

halloween event! with maurise who is suppose to be the witch. =P
im a playboy bunny luh. might sound stumbling to some people but hey, to the pure all things are pure! =x

whoo! celebrated deepavali with a few of my new found friends and old pals! 🙂 we went into istana! too bad we didnt see the president. =/ but it was a fun time of getting to know one another!

today is hari raya haji! so im getting some well-deserved rest at home. but well,
# im itching to shop
# i need to do housework =( you spoilt people who let yr maids/moms do all the housework!
# i need to cook! hehe! love/hate thing
# i need to study =/ yea, even after my exams..
# i need to brainstorm ideas for my boss
# i need to go to the bank and the supermarket

# i need to get off the com now. boo. good day everyone!

 

heart, mind, soul & strength.

its been only 2 weeks and i cant believe that it felt so long! so many things has happened and i cant exactly keep track of what happened. HAHA! thank God for pictures on facebook that reorganise my thoughts and showed me what happened throughout my life. 🙂 to the guy who created fb, you must be really rich and the world (at least i think most of us) loves you.

again, we’ll go through my journey these 2 weeks. the main events from past to present.

mid autumn festival celebration with the cg!

my partner who planned this event together with me! 🙂

alright, i realise we didnt have a cg picture. but yea, believe it or not, we walked from cityhall to chinatown! 😀 it was a great time of sharing  through pairing up and all.

Jasmine’s bday celebrationthe birthday girl! 🙂

this is sucha funny picture! all of us singing a song for her and just look at my bare feet and si yuan singing his heart out. awwwwww! 😉

who could forget jump shots right? look at ophy’s wonderwoman pants! 😀

the whole caregroup! 🙂

swimming session with zai! yay! we feel healthier now! 🙂

look what we got for free from 7-11 after zai bought her goggles! Little Miss and Little Men (if im not wrong) *check out the person behind me, scaryyyyy*

dumb days with Joanne where we shopped, ate and had yoga sessions throughout the week

we went to buy our yoga stuff before our intensive yoga training week.

she likes to capture my dumb acts. =/

i was genuinely on the phone luh!

okay, this picture is the funniest already. there was this day after our yoga session, we went to walk around and it turned into a shopping time. we shopped till we didnt have much cash to eat so we bought economic rice to share. the guy was nice enough to put so much for us cause he knew we were sharing. we kept laughing and joking about eating cup noodles outside 7-11 one day with all our shopping bags crowding around us.

didnt take any pictures of the yoga sessions cause it turned out we were too tired to even pose for pictures. HAHA!

Tamar and Keith’s destination to happily ever after!!! ❤
Church wedding

with very pretty jinqi, who was the jie mei and the emcee for the church wedding. 🙂

all of us! with sneaky guys at the back. -,-

look at all the poloroid-like pictures!

with the bride and groom. :):):)

Wedding Dinner

at the amazing fullerton

isnt this idea just awesome? K&T means keith and tamar btw.

omg, they even have this in miniature magnet form.

gorgeous tamar! ❤

shuz! my other ex shepherd whose wedding i went to as well. she’s dressed up as a air stewardess cause there was this awesome introductory show put up before the bride and groom appeared.

look who’s in town? Derrick See! 😀

*this is a love-hate pic cause i look pregnant here but i love tamar in this pic* but yes, again, im honoured to be invited. 🙂 my ex-shepherd tamar who’s now living her happy ever after with who God has placed for her. its definitely one wedding that i will never forget. the wonderful planning is one thing but the love and sincerity is the main thing i received.

there’s always this magical thing about weddings. and i am so privileged to have attended 3 of my ex-shepherds’ weddings. my other two ex shepherds: elise chan and winnie cheng are single, beautiful, spiritual and available! 😉 hahaha!

throughout all that happened, i begin to learn more  ugly truths about myself. i cant believe that im sucha selfish and no self control person.
# i dread to travel too far to meet my sheep
# i have no self control whatsoever in terms of shopping (details on fb)
# i am always late
# i am super lazy to read through long smses, let alone even to reply them
# i put myself first when i get tired

you may begin yr efforts to judge me and say that my market value is minus 100 now. but yea, this is really what had happened and the real me. haha! i guess im still trying to get myself on the right track when my cunner nature get to me. gosh, its raining so often that i really feel like sleeping but i need to study. =( oh! on another note, i love hang outs with my babes! met yen li and hazel seperately during the past few weeks. was so lazy to bring camera to take pictures. then again, i’ve no camera *hint hint* alright, shall go take a nap or sth. finally today is rest day. 🙂

 

the joy of the Lord is my strength;

arent the scarfs just gorgeous on them? scarfs are always sth that i never knew what to do with. HAHA!

ah, i believe im addicted to fashion watching nowadays. though some new trends are so frightening and queer looking but yea, the models pull it off so well, you cant believe someone can actually wear that sorta thing to go out. someone can look so plain but with the right outfit, they just look like a complete stunner (in a positive sense). HAHA! even so for guys. but i do hate them wearing shorts that are above knee, too tight fitting shirts/pants or those loose hanging harem like pants that look like you just sh*ted in yr pants and its left hanging there. yea, it just gross me out. lets not talk about singlets, too short/long shirts, loose fitting jeans and flip-flops shall we? i think i’ve covered enough.

cai’s birthday celebration!

we love you cai! 🙂 happy 20th! 😀 it was great that everything fall in place on that day itself. something magical and divine happened amidst the cg and i felt so touched. oh God, it must be you! 🙂 last week apart from planning this whole thing, i was busy with projects. was quite stretched but i do feel the peace of God in my heart. talked to people that i didnt imagine myself talking to and it ended up quite well.

was quite upset with myself many a times during the week. reminded of how i compromised what God has wanted me to do and also towards the people around me. yet God has always gently reminded me to come back. thanks father in heaven! 🙂 super glad my earthly dad called me the other day! (as some of you know, my dad’s overseas most of the time due to work) he called to say he missed me cause he saw his friend with the daughter. aww! =( always feel that you guys are so privileged to have your dads by your side. my dad wasnt around most of the time ever since i was 6. though we’re not close proximity wise, but our hearts are closely connected. 🙂 love my 2 lao bas! goodnight!

 

i want to be beautiful

think when you ask girls which part they’re disatisfied about themselves, they’ll probably list down a whole bunch of stuff. probably that would then lead to things like plastic surgery, liposuction, anything that would make them to be the potrayed beauty that has been casted by the world and even barbie dolls. perhaps that is why we potray beauty as – lean, tall, hourglass, long hair, big eyes, small face, nose that frames the face, lips thats akin to angelina jolie. doesnt that just sounds like barbie? HAHAHA!

i do admit that many a times i fall into insecurity when i unknowingly measure myself towards that standard. as i ask girls who are so beautiful, they too fall into such insecurity and nothing is ever enough. we can never be tall enough, slim enough, features as sharp enough, skin as good enough, etc. because there’ll always someone prettier. if we live by the world’s standards, we find ourselves chasing like a dog towards its tail. 4 words: it is never enough.

^{[Proverbs 31:30]
30} Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

physical beauty is only but awhile. when age catches up, there’s no running from it. our skin sag, we gain weight, we lose the color of our rosy cheeks, wrinkles start appearing. but character is longlasting. that is why our God is wise. he looks at the heart, never the outward appearance. 🙂 therefore females (me included), place our security not on our looks (though you’re real gorgeous! ;)) but in building up our love and character towards him the Father. stop pursuing and attracting the wrong attention and audience (mainly males and making other women jealous). the fight will only end up in fatigue and neverending disatisfaction. and males, pretty things and girls are indeed attractive (especially with you being more visual) but choose for yourselves the things that will endure even after 50 years. because there’ll surely be someone prettier along the way and i fear for your r/s and marriage.

alrighty, this is just something recent that kept me thinking. loads of updates! 🙂

my bazaar @ SMU:me and pig joanne. we had loads of fun together though i was chionging project and managing the flea, it was a good time!

as you can see, i was being tortured.

but all in all, thank you for those who came by to support us. 🙂 thanks lestari (did i get your name right?), kalyne, andrew, yeu ann, christine, serene, ophelia, yen li, and especially zai. i hope i didnt miss anyone out! heh! it was a success! thank you all. 😉

recent service: caregroup girls missing jesline! =(

my beloved chermaine who just finished exams! whoots! whoosh! sorry i had to postpone shepherding my dear. =p

ophy and i while waiting to prepare holy comm! 😀

shemmy’s amazing race!: the whole CG without ryan and including my big face at the front.

hehe! shemmy, i like to scam you! totally makes my day. 😉

really want to share about my bad good week! it started out bad cause of the many misunderstandings that occured all in one day. wow, nearly took away my soul. but as the week goes, it was really eventful. gave towards the church building fund in hope that we can go through this crisis together. hope singapore is my home and its where i’ve grown up. second major move since nexus! im sure God will work out everything according to his plan. joyful giving to the Lord and his house! 😀 if you treat Hope the way i do, please give too! i believe every small amount counts. 🙂

meeting up with renhui is so awesome as we shared our learnings about the recent article in straits times “the rise of Christ in china” so prompt that she’s a shanghainese. 🙂 shared about our perspectives towards issues as well. thanks so much for opening up to me my sheep! i feel very comfortable with you as well. 😀 shemmy’s bday celebration is a time where i feel the warmth of the cg as well. even as we prepare, i guess we all received sth in return as well.

was the guest guitarist for bentay’s cg. though it was pretty last min, i enjoyed my time working with peu and the cg too! well, i do admit that all these giving of time, effort, money, heart, mind, soul really drains us, the joy is just unspeakable! 😀 my next one week will be projects madness. so i hope to update this space soon! see you when i see you!